Translations

Seasonal Laughs by Aizawa Masao

Translated by Owen Hardman (William Wetherall)

These are my translations of 7 humorous stories and jokes published in The English Journal (EJ) from October 1979 to March 1980 in a monthly column called "Seasonal Laughs". The jokes were attributed to Aizawa Masao (相澤正夫), a Japanese language researcher and educator. My impression was that Aizawa had collected the jokes as examples of Japanese humor. Each was accompanied by a cartoon drawn by Ayata Kunio (アヤタクニオ 1931-2014). Ayata became a cover artist and illustrator for EJ and its parent company, ALC, after I wrote an article for EJ in 1978 about his prize-winning suicide cartoons ("Suicide Cartoons from the galler of Kunio Ayata", The English Journal, September 1978, Vol. 8, No. 11, Issue 95, 3 pages, front matter).

The jokes were selected by EJ editors in consultation with me, as the most likely of the jokes available from Aizawa to travel in English. At the time I was a part-time editor and contributor to the magazine, hence the suggestion that I use a pen name. Owen Hardman (1890-1949) was my maternal grandfather and namesake, my middle name being Owen. He died in our home in San Francisco in when I was 8 years old, but his life continues to inspire me nearly 70 years later. He would have laughed, both at the jokes, and at the manner of his reincarnation as a Japanese-English translator.

Don't Jump to Conclusions
Athletic Meet
Hopelessness 		Down-side-up
Kite Flying
Experienced Expert 		Don't Count Too Fast

Comments 40 years later

Don't Jump to Conclusions

Attributed to Aizawa Masao

Translated by Owen Hardman

Seasonal Laughs, The English Journal
October 1979, Vol. 9, No. 11, Issue 110, page 87

慌てるな

  ジーンズばかりはいている女子大生、けさはスカートで学校へ行く。
  下宿の亭主、奥へかけｔこみ、
  「ばあさんや、２階の学生さんも捨てたもんじゃない。ジーパンは女らしくないということに、気がついてきたらしい」
  といえば、女房、
  「きょうは、学園祭で仮装行列ですってよ」

Don't Jump to Conclusions

  A coed who always wore jeans went to school one morning in a skirt. When the landlord of her boarding house saw this, he ran to his wife and said, "The girl on the second floor's not so hopeless after all. She seems to have concluded that wearing jeans is not womanlike."
  "I doubt it," the landlady replied. "She said there's a school festival today, and she's in the masquerade parade!"

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Athletic Meet

Attributed to Aizawa Masao

Translated by Owen Hardman

Seasonal Laughs, The English Journal
November 1979, Vol. 9, No. 12, Issue 112, page 83

運動会

  町内の運動会。出場者の顔ぶれは決まったが、手伝いをするものが不足する。
  ちょうど、暴力団の親分で、最近解散して更生したのが、長い間の罪ほろばしに、なにか町の役に立つことがあればといっていると聞き、さっそく頼みに行くと、親分、
  「心得ました。大してお手伝いもできませんが、若いものに、ピストルぐらいは撃たせましょう」

Athletic Meet

  A community association was planning an athletic meet. There were sure to be lots of entrants,but there would be a shortage of people to help. Just at that time, there happened to be a former gangster boss who had recently disbanded his gang and was trying to start a new life. Wishing to atone for his many crimes over the years, he let it be known that he would do whatever he could to help the community. Hearing this, the athletic meet organizers went to the former gangster and asked him if he could provide them with the needed hands.
  "I'd be happy to help," he assured them. "It may not be of much help, but I'll try to round up some of the younger punks to fire the starting pistols."

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Hopelessness

Attributed to Aizawa Masao

Translated by Owen Hardman

Seasonal Laughs, The English Journal
December 1979, Vol. 9, No. 13, Issue 112, page 32

はかない

  ４，５人、寄り合って、
  「この一年、なんともいやな年だった」
  「なにかこのへんで、いいことはないか」
など話していると、なかのひとりが、
  「ある、ある」
という。
  一同、身を乗り出し、
  「なにがある」
  「その１年が、もうじき暮れる」

Hopelessness

  Four or five people were talking. "This year has been a really bad one," said one. "Will nothing good happen?" wondered a second. "Something will, something will," assured the third. "What?" asked the other two, leaning forward. "The year's about to come to an end."

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Down-side-up

Attributed to Aizawa Masao

Translated by Owen Hardman

Seasonal Laughs, The English Journal
January 1980, Vol. 10, No. 1, Issue 113, page 65

逆さま

  町内の娘、ふだんは髪の毛をブロンドなどにしているのが、そこはやはり年ごろだけあって、正月は日本髪を結う。
  近所の婆さん、道で会い、
  「おや、髪を染めなさったか」

Down-side-up

  A black-haired woman in a certain town usually kept her hair dyed blond. But in keeping with her age, at New Year's time she put her hair up in a traditional black Japanese coiffure.
  During the holidays, an old lady in the neighborhood met the woman on the street and asked, "Oh, have you dyed your hair?"

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Kite Flying

Attributed to Aizawa Masao

Translated by Owen Hardman

Seasonal Laughs, The English Journal
January 1980, Vol. 10, No. 1, Issue 113, page 79

凧上げ

  知人への年始まわりに、夫婦して郊外の団地へ行くと、凧が３つ５つと上がっている。
  亭主、それをみて、
  「どこで上げているのか、行ってみよう」
  「その年をして、あなたも酔狂ね」
と笑えば、
  「いや、その空地、坪いくらか見てくる」

Kite Flying

  On their way to pay some friends in the suburbs a New year's visit, a couple saw some kites in the sky.
  "Let's go see where they're being flown," the husband said.
  "Even you were crazy about kites at that age, huh?" his wife asked.
  "No. I just want to know how much the lot is."

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Experienced Expert

Attributed to Aizawa Masao

Translated by Owen Hardman

Seasonal Laughs, The English Journal
February 1980, Vol. 10, No. 2, Issue 114, page 91

慣れたもの

  町内でもケチと評判の男、節分の年男に頼まれ、打ち合わせをやるというので行くと、神主が出てきて
  「あなたに頼んだのにはワケがあります。まく豆も安くないので１０回に８回は、まく真似だけにしていただきたい」
という。
  その男、うなずいて、
  「それならもう慣れたものです。ここのさいせん箱には、いつもそうしている。」

Experienced Expert

  A man known all over town for his stinginess was asked to throw the beans at the annual winter-spring parting-of-the seasons festival. So the man went to the local shrine, where the festival was going to be held, to collaborate with the priest on the details.
  "There's a reason why I've asked you," the priest began. "The beans to be thrown to dispel the devil and beckon good fortune are expensive this year, so we'd like you to make throwing only a few beans look like you're throwing a lot."
  The man nodded and said, "You've come to the right person. I do that all the time when I put money in the offering box."

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Don't Count Too Fast

Attributed to Aizawa Masao

Translated by Owen Hardman

Seasonal Laughs, The English Journal
March 1980, Vol. 10, No. 3, Issue 115, page 21

さきにいえ

  先着５０人を入園許可という幼稚園で、もう行列していると聞き、父親がかけつけたが、まだ５０人にはなっていない。
  「やれ、間に合った」
とばかりならんでいると、前のひとが、
  「あなたはダメかも」
という。
  「いや、数えてみたら、４９番目でした」
といえば、
  「だけど、途中にふたごの親がふた組います」

Don't Count Too Fast

  A kindergarten announced that it would accept fifty pupils on a first-come basis. Hearing that a line had already started, parents rushed to the school to apply.
  One father saw that there were not yet fifty people there, and as he got in the line he announced out loud, "It looks like I'm in time!"
  "You may not be," the man in front of him said.
  "But I counted the others, and I'm forty-ninth," the father observed.
  "But among those you counted," the other man added, "two have twins."

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Comments 40 years later

As a part-time editor, I checked transcriptions of taped interviews and wrote annotations, and also conducted interviews, which I transcribed myself after cutting them down into stories of suitable length. Sometimes I came up with feature ideas, in which case I got involved in planning for the feature stories. I did not do line editing or proofing, although at times I was involved in deciding style.

You could tell the same joke
without saying anything
putatively "Japanese"

Looking at these jokes 40 years later, I can see all manner of ways to improve the translations, mostly by trimming fat. As I recall, when selecting jokes from those that Aizawa made available to The English Journal, the editors chose those that struck them as being somehow "Japanese". They worried that some of the jokes would require explanation.

I said the best way to translate jokes -- or poems, fiction, prose, or anything other than technical or legal materials -- would be to embed in the translation itself, in the least conspicuous, most seamless way, any information that an audience unfamiliar with Japan might need to understand the situation in order to appreciate what makes the joke funny. In fact, most of the jokes required no "explanatory" elaboration whatever.

The throwing of beans on the occasion of setsubun presented the most "cultural" joke. In hindsight, I can think of less verbose and distracting ways to gloss "setsubun" in order to keep the reader's attention on the non-cultural situation on which the humor is ultimately based -- the universal capacity of people to want to make a little look like more. For the humor in even this ostensibly "cultural" joke has nothing to do with "culture" and everything to do with the human condition. You could tell the same joke without saying anything putatively "Japanese".

Bill Wetherall
Abiko, 24 January 2018

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